Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
