I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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