considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
