I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
