i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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