Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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