Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
