I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
