perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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