K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
