Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
