I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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