Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
