Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
