Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
