did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
