think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
