Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
