I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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