tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
