when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
