You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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