i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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