I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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