Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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