i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
