Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
