I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
