That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
