after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I want is dick and wine.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
