if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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