Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
