It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
