Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
