After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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