haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
