either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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