I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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