why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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