I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
