She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
