trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
