Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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