At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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