Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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