Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
