so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
