i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
