Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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