Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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