I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
