Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
