Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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