So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
