He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
