I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
