I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
