I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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