Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
